I’ve been trying to write a post about the stage of life I’m currently in and so far I have 4 drafts and hate every single one of them. I just can’t find the words I want to say or convey what I’m really feeling onto the screen. Then, today it happened. A moment struck me and all the feelings I was trying to put into words built up and I was ready to spew a word vomit fountain. Actually, that sounded pretty gross, but you catch my drift.
It all started when I found a feature that I never knew existed on my iPhone. Apparently, you have a “People” album, and when you go into that album you can click on a person and it creates a video for you. I clicked the photo with the picture of my entire little family and the most beautiful video popped up. It started with Rowan and Mykenzi right when we moved to Tuscaloosa. Rowan will be a year old next month, and 8 weeks after he was born, we packed up everything we’ve ever known in Florida and trucked it to Tuscaloosa where life has been pretty dang crazy, so for the video to start when our journey in Tuscaloosa started it stirred up a lot of emotions.
In the video, I see two parents who absolutely adore their kids, and I see two kids who are incredibly happy. The part about the kids who are incredibly happy is where I get a little choked up because they really have no idea what’s going on around them. You see, I also see a lot of stress, sadness, and hard times in that video. We lived in a tiny apartment when we got here that we hated, but every house we had put on offer on fell through, so we had no choice but to live there. I also had a baby that was battling allergies and I didn’t know it, so he screamed all the time. Literally, all.the.time. So much so, our apartment neighbors caught my Husband walking up the stairs one night and said, “Is everything okay in there? We hear that baby crying all the time.” I was so scared they were going to call CPS on me for all the crying. The stress of house hunting continued for 3 months after we arrived in Tuscaloosa before we finally caught a break and purchased our dream home. I remember being so incredibly homesick that I would cry for days on end, ready to pack up and move back home to Florida. I remember locking myself in the bathroom multiple times bawling my eyes out because 2 under 2 by myself all day, everyday was so hard. Having no family and no friends to lean on for support made my world seem so lonely. Seriously, military wives and single moms are my heroes! I remember struggling to deal with all the stress and it killing my self esteem, and I remember watching my Husband work tirelessly to provide for his family even under crappy circumstances. I remember thinking that this time in our lives might actually be the demise of our marriage. I see all of this when I watch that video, and I can’t believe how resilient we are, and most importantly, how resilient our marriage is. I can’t believe we made it through all those tears, hard times, and stress only to adopt new tears, hard times, and stress which seem like piece of cake compared to those early months. I can’t believe I’m actually looking back on these memories when I can remember a time that I never thought I’d get through them. I think that’s my favorite part of this video. This video represents the highlights of an incredibly difficult year for us, for our marriage, and for our kids. Not something you typically think about when you look at someones highlight reel, but that’s exactly what a highlight reel is. It’s highlighting the best moments of your life even if you are battling something hard behind the scenes.